ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
