i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
