I CAN MOONWALK!
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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