Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
do herpes really smell.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
