Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
