Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
