If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
