The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
