Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
