All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
