Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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