so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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