I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Randomize
