okay pat passed out under dana's car
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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