Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
