Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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