fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
BRING THE BAGELS
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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