i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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