His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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