the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
