Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
