The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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