bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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