How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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