i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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