True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
