Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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