Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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