I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
