my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
