i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
