so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
