My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
