singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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