If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Randomize
