I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
