dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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