I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
