I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
