dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
