this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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