haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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