I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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