I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My penis needs a shock collar
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I woke up under a house in Key West
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