you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
