i'm signing you up for texting rehab
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
