I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I stole a fireplace last night.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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