New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
