wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
