What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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