There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
