I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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